Tai Chi isn't funny

I have had the pleasure of meeting some witty 'tai chi' people over the years.

Joe Sweeney, Gary Jackson, Liu De Ming and Don Gray are four who readily spring to mind.

An hour at the Cove Hotel with the Patterson Lakes tai chi crew can be very amusing. Listening to the likes of Robyn , Jen or Peter the Magnificent will almost certainly guarantee you the hiccups.

Tai chi attracts humourous people but tai chi itself is not funny.

When practising tai chi you need to maintain a serious disposition.

I have seen a few people over the years who can smile as they do their forms.

I'm not sure if they realise that they're breaking the important 11th principal of tai chi.

I am jealous though, I would love to be able to smile and not lose my balance.

So now I'm thinking, there must have been some funny moments in my tai chi life.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Many years ago I do recall doing Qi Gong in a beautiful Melbourne park with one of the most famous tai chi masters in the world. He shall remain nameless but a private lesson with this gentleman would set you back a cool $500.

We stood with hands on dan tien, eyes closed, postures adjusted in turn by said master. He articulated our good fortune to be standing in a beautiful place surrounded by trees, the birds singing, the sun's rays caressing our relaxed bodies. It was a perfect setting and Master X continued to highlight the verdant setting and soothing birdsong.

Eventually the session came to an end and we opened our eyes just in time to see Master X pick up a rock and hurl it at two birds on a nearby bough. The little birds didn't budge so he bent over to pick up another missile. A loud ripping noise ensued as Master X's fine silk pants split from ipod to mingmen.

We almost died laughing as we watched him scurry off to find some new daks.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

As a tour leader on the RAT 2004 China Tour I continually reiterated the need for punctuality. All tour members must be on time for the bus. It's only courtesy toward your fellow travellers.

As always, this group were great and everything went smoothly.

We visited the Shanghai museum.

'Everybody must be back on the bus by 4pm', I decreed.

Don Gray and I ( they nick-named us the Prostate Brothers ) went looking for a toilet as usual.

Mission accomplished we wondered through the extensive halls of the famous museum……….

When God was handing out the 'funny genes' his hand must have slipped as Don went past and literally showered him with comical DNA. He is an entertainment complex on legs. I found myself spending as much time as possible in his company. Partly because he's just a great bloke but also because he's so funny.

Don talks to everyone. One day he held up about 1000 Chinese tourists while he tried to close the gates to the Forbidden City.

On another occasion the tour group visited a Beijing house to meet a local resident and learn about his life. We got mobbed by street hawkers trying to sell their wares as we wound our way through the Hutongs to get to this house. We entered the house courtyard and realised that Don was no longer with us. No matter, he often disappeared and finished up being invited home by a local Chinese family. Language differences didn't seem to matter, the Chinese loved him.

We sat quietly listening to an elderly gentleman relating his life story through an interpreter. Fifteen minutes later the door to the courtyard swings open and in walks Don carrying about 30 boxes of Chinese Calligraphy sets.

"I know they ripped me off but they were such nice people."

We laughed until we were nearly sick.

After visiting a few cities in China we sailed down the Li River to Yangshuo. As we approached the town you could see people herding cattle, harvesting rice, wheeling carts and fishing with cormorants. Don walked over to me on the boat deck and said.

"This is fair dinkum China. They're not muckin' around here".

………… Back to the museum. I lost Don, it doesn't take much. He just wonders off and talks to people.

I found him in the Bronze age chatting away to a well dressed gentleman.

"This is blah blah blah, Curator of the museum", he said, introducing me.

"He does tai chi".

So here we are, in the middle of the most famous Museum in China, doing the Beijing 24 Forms with the 'Manager' , as Don called him. We went through several other forms followed by a round robin pushing hands tournament that attracted quite a crowd. We were having a great time until I heard Veronica screaming my name from somewhere.

"What the hell are you doing? We've been sitting on the bus for over half an hour waiting for you".

We got marched out of there and back onto a very cold bus. Fortunately Don had them all laughing again within minutes.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

My favourite tai chi story concerns my son.

He's now 24 years old but at the tender age of 6 he used to watch his old man practising tai chi.

When I first started teaching tai chi I would stand in front of the mirror and talk as though I was in front of a class.

My son Eamon would come into the room and play with his toys while I practised.

I would perform the Lotus Relaxation exercise while vocalising each move.

Turtle treads water, white crane spreads wings, lotus turns to face the wind etc.

Eamon would be engrossed in his toys and virtually ignoring me.

One day I came home from work a bit earlier than usual. I walked toward the bedroom and stopped short of walking in.

I could here Eamon in there talking. I crept closer and peered around the corner.

Eamon was standing in front of the mirror going through the Lotus. His little mate Brian Murphy was following him through the form.

I was staggered to hear him calling out the names of each move exactly in the right order.

Things suddenly went a bit pear shaped around the middle of the form.

There's a move where you have to get into a half squat position and circle your hands. It's called Snow Rabbit Sits on Haunches.

Eamon got to that part of the form and it came out of his little 6 year old mouth as:

Snow Rabbit Shits Unconscious.

From that moment forth the move has been called Gathering the Qi.

I think tai chi can be a little bit funny.